I love church. I always have. Now, I admit, I have not always gone to church every time the doors were open. There was a period of time where I did not go often, but I always had Jesus in my heart.
Always.
That was never a question. He was always there. We chatted daily. I prayed daily. I knew He was there.
After I met Jamey, I started going more often. We were there almost every Sunday. Jamey and Brenna would come pick me up before we were married. They would drive 30 minutes out of their way to come get me. He wanted to go together. And, so did I.
We sat on the same side of the church every Sunday. He always had his arms around me, on my leg, or holding my hand. Always touching me in some way. I always felt his love.
It was in church one Sunday morning that I knew I was going to marry this man. God spoke to me and I felt it. I heard it loud and clear. This was love. Make no mistake about it, this was the real deal.
Every single Sunday since then, I would think about the moment when God gave me the comfort I needed to take off my running shoes and let this amazing man take care of me. Every day and every Sunday, I thanked God for bringing this man into my life. Every. Single. Day.
Jamey went to be with Jesus on a Sunday. I find that simply fitting. He took him right when we would have been going to church. He took him Home.
Every Sunday since Jamey passed, I have made myself go to the House of the Lord. I make myself go to church even when I just want to curl back under the covers and go back to sleep, not have to face another day without him. I make myself go.
Why? Because He is where I find my comfort when nothing else comforts me.
Jamey's favorite part of church was the worship music. Oh how he loved the music. Jamey never wanted to be late for church. He wanted to be right on time not to miss a note. Right now during the worship music, I about lose it. You know, the hyperventilating kind of cry where you think you may pass out? That is me during this praise time. Most Sundays I can hold it somewhat together, but not this morning. Thank the Lord my sweet friend was there to hold me up.
The words are so real.
The song that got me this morning was "Where I Belong".
The lyrics:
Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me
Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong
Whew. It gets me every time. Jamey is Home. He is with Jesus.
Sundays are hard for me right now. It has been 4 weeks today. I wake up thinking about that morning and reliving it over and over in my mind. I think about it daily, but Sundays are the hardest.
I will continue to go to church, even when I don't want to. It is what I need now more than ever. He is what I need now more than ever.
I miss you, babe. I miss you so much.
1 comments:
Praying. Simply, praying.
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