3 Years Ago....

Jamey and I used to mark special days.  I kept all of those days in my calendar....our first date, our first kiss, etc etc etc.  We counted days....one month anniversary, two month anniversary, etc etc etc.  I even named this blog based on the number of days we were married.  

It sounds weird and cheesy, but it was something fun we did.  I really don't know why.  We just started doing it and acknowledging all these little dates and anniversaries and holding them special.  He would sometimes send me flowers on these special days, just because.  We always celebrated the little things.

I am forever grateful that we did.

Today marks one of those days.  Another first without him.

Three years ago today, my life changed.  I met a man for lunch who would later become my husband.  I remember that day so vividly.  We were both so nervous.  The butterflies in my stomach grew more and more as the lunch progressed and I knew this guy was different.  Jamey said he felt it too.  I have written before (click here) that I had my running shoes on for months because I thought he was too good to be true. 

I remember talking about Jamey to my friend, Gail, shortly after we met.  I was telling her about my running shoes and how I just wasn't sure.  She said this to me that I have recounted over and over in my head since Jamey went to be with Jesus.  She said, "The Lord must have something huge planned for you and Jamey because the devil is fighting so hard to keep you away."

Wow.

Can I get an Amen!?!

I never EVER would have imagined the plan He had in store for us.

Ever.

As I was having a 'moment' this morning while getting dressed for work and praying the Lord would give me strength to make it through today, it hit me....  

Time is so so precious.  

Time....

Seconds, minutes, hours....precious time.  Time you can never get back.  

Time you should never waste.

We counted the days we had together because our time together would be cut very short.  Those 379 days we were married were so precious.  

Time.  

You can't get it back.  

So precious.  So short.  

My sweet friend, Kim, sent me a text this morning to check in on me.  I told her what today was and her text back helped me keep things in perspective.

She said today marks the day a great love was kindled and a beautiful relationship began.  And because of today, Brenna has a mommy!  And many other friendships and relationships have been spawned because of this day three years ago.  

So, so true.  

Some days the fog is so thick I cannot see through it.  Some days, it lifts just enough to bring some perspective.  But, when the fog is thick, God always sends me friends to guide me through it.  

I am forever thankful for all the friends God sends my way.  There are far too many to list here.  I am forever blessed and grateful for the relationships and friendships that help guide me through the fog.  

And help me get through days like this....

His Mark

When the funeral home asked me if I wanted necklaces made of Jamey's thumbprint, I said yes.

To be honest, I had no idea what the guy was talking about.  At that particular moment in time, I probably said yes to many things because the fog I was walking through was so thick and so dense and my heart was so heavy.  I was only going through the motions.  In the days after Jamey went to be with Jesus, I remember my sweet friend, Teresa, making me daily lists of things that we needed to do.  I could not think clearly, make any decisions, or even finish my sentences.

I had forgotten about the necklaces.  When the funeral home called me about a month ago to tell me they were in, I had to ask what they were.  Then, I remembered.  His thumbprint.

Jamey's thumbprint.

Something tangible I could touch, feel, rub, kiss.  Something tangible that will forever be with me.

Sometimes I just rub it, just to feel a part of him again.  I long to be able to hold his hand, rub his arm, and see that sweet smile.

Jamey left his mark on many who knew him.  If I could only share every story that has been told me to me.  Stories about how much Jamey meant to them, what an impact he had on their life, how he brought them to Jesus, and how special he was.  The stories are many.

When I was thinking about Jamey's thumbprint, I was reminded of the Footprint Prayer.  If you have not read it before, please take a moment to read.

The Footprints Prayer

One night I had a dream...

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.

Jesus has been carrying me for the past 108 days since Jamey went to his Heavenly Home.  When people say to me that they do not know how I am making it, my response has always been, "Jesus".  He is the one carrying me through this journey.

There is no other explanation than that.

Jesus.

Sweet Jesus.

I could not get out of bed every day if it were not Jesus physically pulling me up.  He is who carries me.  Every.Single.Day.

I would love to hear how Jamey made an impact on your life.  I would like for Brenna to have a collection of stories to read one day to know what an incredible man Jamey was.  Would you consider sharing those stories and memories with me?  You can email me or leave a comment here.  (tippafeltman@gmail.com).

6th Grade

Brenna started 6th grade on August 8th.  I cannot believe summer is over and we are starting school. Where did June and July go?

Brenna loves school and enjoys being with her friends.  As an only child, this is her outlet to socialize and play....and you know, learn some things in the process.  We are so blessed to be apart of an amazing school and extended family.

This picture shocks the pants off me.  Look at the difference.  I cannot stop looking at it!  Where did her baby face go?

The start of school was very difficult on me.  Maybe one of the worst days yet.  Jamey was such a huge part of her (our) life and with school starting, his absence was everywhere I looked.  He wasn't there to share in the excitement of a new year, to shop for school supplies, uniforms and shoes, walk her in the first day, meet the teachers, and on and on and on.  

But, I felt him there as I walked Brenna to her class.  I felt him stand by my side as I kissed her bye and wished her a good day.  He was holding me up as I walked out of the school doors and led me straight into the open arms of a dear friend.  This friend was standing right where I needed her when I stepped outside those doors.  Another friend raced to me in the parking lot with open arms as well, knowing I just needed a big hug.  I am forever grateful for those hugs right when I needed them, Paige and Brooke.  God led me straight into your path and I needed you.  

Happy 6th grade, sweet Brenna!  I am praying for an amazing year.  

It's Birthday Week!!

It has been birthday week for us!  We are celebrating Brenna!  I will be back with updates soon!

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!