The Ring

The ring.   

What to do?  What to do?

After Jamey went to be with Jesus, I kept staring at my rings.  I could not stop looking at them.  This wedding band that had only been on my hand for 379 days.  The gorgeous engagement ring that is too pretty to put up, much less, stop wearing.

What do I do with it?  What is considered the 'proper' or ‘appropriate’ thing to do?

One of the first questions I asked my counselor was "when do I stop wearing my ring?". The answer I kept getting over and over every time I asked was "whenever you are ready".  "It will feel right".  I even asked other widow friends and they all said, "you will know when the time is right".  

Would I know?  How would I know?  How do I stop wearing a ring that was given to me in the sweetest proposal ever?  

For months, I could not stop wearing it.  It was a part of me and I could not let it go.  

“It did not feel right”.  

I played around with taking it off some, but it didn't last.  My fingers felt naked without them on, like I was forgetting something.  I remember when we first got engaged, I would take my engagement ring off and put it beside me on my nightstand (diamond always facing toward me, of course!  HA!).  I was so afraid of losing it in the night.  Jamey and I laughed so hard just thinking about me shaking my hand while in a deep sleep and it flying away!  Crazy!  But, I eventually realized I would not be waking up in the middle of the night shaking my hand violently, so I felt like it was safe right where it was!  LOL!

It took me 37 years to find the man of my dreams and these rings meant something to me.  They stood for something very special and I was proud to be called his wife. Taking them off would mean he was no longer beside me, I was no longer married, and I was not ready to completely accept that just yet.

But, let me back up.  We celebrated our one year wedding anniversary on April 21, 2013. Jamey got me the most beautiful ring for our anniversary that I had planned to wear on my right hand.  It had to be sized so he picked it up from the jeweler on May 3rd.  Jamey went to be with Jesus on May 5th.  

God?  Yep!

As the months went by, I still kept thinking about what to do with my wedding rings.  I started to feel like I was portraying a lie.  I was not married anymore and these rings say otherwise.  Maybe it was starting to ‘feel right’.

I thought I would allow myself to get through the holidays then start moving my ring over to my right hand.  I decided I would continue to wear my engagement ring when I did make the transition.  I thought I just needed to get through the holidays.  But, as time went on, sometime in November, it started feeling like it was time.  

I did it! 

I put my engagement ring on my right hand and put my new anniversary ring on my left hand. Having the anniversary ring made the transition a little easier.  I no longer felt like I was telling a lie, but still had him close.  It was the right time for me.

What I learned during this process was that 'proper' or 'appropriate' doesn't matter.  What matters is to do what feels best for you.  Do not worry about what others think, what others say, or how others are dealing with it.  Do what is best for yourself and when it is best.  No one knows that but you!