The Closet

This took a while.

I was not ready for this step.  It seemed soothing to walk into my/our closet and see all of Jamey's belongings hanging there waiting on him to return from that 'business trip'.  The blue plaid shirt he wore when we first met, the green shirt he loved to wear in the summer, the blue shirt that made his eyes sparkle, his beloved Alabama sweatshirt that he wore with pride.  The man had a lot of clothes.  He had so many dress shirts that we would laugh when he bought more.  And the shoes...wow!

I told myself many times in the first few months of this journey that he would be back.  He was just on a business trip and would be back in a week or so.  

He would be back.

He will walk through that door with his boisterous personality and big smile.  He would seek me out, like he always did, and give me that 'I'm home' kiss.  Brenna would run and jump up in his arms with a big hug! "Daddy's home!!!"

Sweet memories....

He is not coming back.  I had to finally accept that.

All of the grief books I read said I would feel the 'urge to purge'.  I would know when the time was right to go through his belongings and clean out.  I did not want to rush this.  I wanted to do it when I felt the time was right.  That was really important for me.  I wanted to do it on my terms and when I felt ready.

That urge hit me right after Christmas.

And, I just did it.  I did not prepare myself, I just started.  One day I walked in and started going through it all.  I knew I wanted to save some things for memory bears and quilts, but everything else would need a new home. I donated many, many things.  I kept what held the most memories, and boxed up some of his dress shirts to be given to someone who would appreciate/need them.

I did it!  And, it felt good.  It was time.

Now that I had gone through everything, I wanted to take the shirts to have quilts and memory bears made. I met a precious, precious Jesus-loving lady about 7 years ago that made me some amazing quilts.  I contacted her and asked if she could do these for me as well.  She graciously said yes!  And, she had a lady who works for her who makes memory bears!  I was so excited!!!

So, last Saturday, we got the bears!!!!  Jamey always, always, always wore khaki pants.  He hated jeans! So these bears had to have Jamey's khaki pants!  And, they did!

Are they not the sweetest things you have ever seen?!?!  We absolutely love them!  They are great to snuggle with when you need them!  They make me smile when I see them!  They look just like him!

The quilts should be ready by April or May!  I cannot wait!