Bloggy Makeover

Look what I got!  A much needed blog makeover!  I feel like I just got a new cute outfit!  The super-duper sweet and amazingly talented new friend of mine, Jennifer, did an amazing job and was so great to work with! Thank you so much, Jennifer! Don't you love the colors?  I wanted these colors in my bedroom, but they just didn't go with the decor of the rest of my house...so the blog, perfect!  Ha!

I am working to update the different tabs at the top and starting to write more so keep checking back.  You can even subscribe to my blog and get posts emailed right to your inbox.  I feel so fancy!

What do you all think?

Don't Yell

God and I have many conversations throughout my day.  We chat a lot and I even yell and scream when I am upset.  I plead for answers.  I plead for direction, guidance, hope.

I ask "why"....I ask "what now"...I ask "what about..."

But, I am learning more and more every day to just stop and listen.

Be quiet.

Be still.

Listen.

Really listen.

I NEED to listen.

It is hard.  So very hard to do.  How do you know when He speaks?  How do you know it is really Him speaking?  Do you find yourself wondering if it is the Holy Spirit or satan?  I know I sure do.

Many times I have asked God to speak really loud so I know it's Him.  I have even asked Him to slap me in the face so there is no question that I know it's Him.  There have been many times in my life that He has done just that.  I talked about it in my blog from when I lived in Europe.  Here is a link to that post (click here).  It talks about how God clearly and loudly spoke to me and told me to go to Europe.  It was so clear.  So loud. I also wrote about when God clearly and loudly spoke to me soon after Jamey went to be with Jesus (click here).  I still think about that day.  His voice was so incredibly loud in my heart it stopped me in my tracks. Amazing!

I often wonder why I heard Him so loudly those days.  How was my heart so open to be able to hear Him and know it was Him?  My little impatient mind wants more.  I want it now!  But how?  I am teaching Brenna about patience.  She needs to learn patience.  I should take some of my own advice and be patient.  Stop, be quiet, and listen.

I heard this a while back and I love the image it left in my mind.

Do you know why God doesn't yell?  

It is because He's sitting right next to you. You don't yell at someone sitting right next to you.

What an amazing visual that left in my head.  I try to no longer scream or yell when I am upset.  I am not always successful, but I do try.  I try to sit quietly knowing my Lord is sitting right next to me holding me up.  He's got this, my friend Sarah, would say. She's right, God's got this.  I just have to be still, be quiet, and wait patiently.

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.  For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

My Birthday

(I am playing catch up, so we are going back to October!!)

One of the 'firsts' I was dreading was my birthday. I have this thing about birthdays. They are worth celebrating, making a big deal over, and having fun!  Everyone has one and I say "go big or go home."  ;-)

I knew this day would be sad. But, I didn't want to be sad. So, I told Brenna to invite a group of girls over and let's party!  I mean, really, how can you be sad with a bunch of 11 & 12 year olds in the house?!?!  I have many wonderful, amazing friends who would have gone completely out of their way to make my day special; however, I knew this was the perfect plan!

So, we did just that. We had a house full of girls!  I picked them up from school and came home for dinner.  

I had a few hungry girls on my hands!!!  And I got enough for a midnight snack!  

My party!!!  I cannot tell you how much I love these girls!!  They are the most precious friends to Brenna. They are crazy, wild, sweet, and compassionate. I pray they are always this amazing and not let the teenage drama creep up and come between them. 

And, their parents....yep, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!  They are pretty spectacular too!!

We are so blessed!

I recruited another mom to help transport and watch this crew for our next adventure. For the evening entertainment, we went to a local farm for some spooky, haunted Halloween fun!  Haunted hayrides, bonfires, hot chocolate, etc.  We had such a great night!!!  (My birthday was in October.)

On the way home I got a call from my friend, Jennie. She currently lives in Akron, OH. I thought she was calling to wish me a happy birthday. But, no, she was in town to surprise me and sitting in my driveway!!!  And, since I planned this little party and didn't know she was in town, she showed up at my house at 11pm when we got home from the farm!  What an amazing surprise!!!  Thanks, Jennie, for making my day!!!

We ended the night with cupcakes and a sleepover!  

I went to bed exhausted and missed Jamey like crazy, but these girls filled me up with lots of love!

Such a great night!  

I'm Back!

Wow, I cannot believe that I have not written since October!  Ouch!  Life got a little crazy with my birthday (October 25th), Thanksgiving, then Christmas.  So many firsts!

I have prayed about this blog and if I will continue to write.  The overwhelming feeling I got was, yes!  God wants me to continue to share my journey with you sweet friends.

So, stay tuned!  I will be back and update you all on how our holidays went and where we are in our journey of grief!

And, thank you all for continuing to reach out to me and pray for us!  I have said it many times, prayers are the only way we are making it through!

Love to you all!

Somebody's Prayin' For Me

I look back over the past 5 1/2 months and think, how have I made it?  How do I feel the peace that surpasses all understanding?  How do I not bury my head in my pillow and never get up?  How do I not give up on this life and any hope for a happy future?  How do I reassure Brenna that everything is going to be ok?

Do you know how I do it?

Somebody is praying for me.

A sweet friend sent me this song a few weeks ago.  I have never heard it before but when I listened to it online, I cried.  This is exactly how I do what I do every day.  I get comments and emails daily about how strong I am.  It is not my strength.  It is the strength my Jesus gives me.  He carries me when I cannot carry myself.

My Jesus.  The only way.

Oh how I have been covered in prayer for these many months.  There is nothing else that can explain the comfort, peace, and hope for the future than my Jesus' provides.  I am so so grateful for the many prayer warriors out there that lift us up daily.  I am humbled by the emails, comments, texts, and calls from friends saying they are praying for us.  Oh how thankful I am.

I feel the prayers!  I continue to need them.

Read these lyrics.

Who are you praying for?

Somebody's Praying for Me

I was lost in a desert land
So dry and thirsty
But God was there where He’d always been
Giving grace and mercy

So hard to sing and hard to pray
Yet I knew His Word was true
And then one day my faith returned
And suddenly I knew

Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s knocking on Heaven’s door
Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s lifting me up to the Lord
I knew it had to be
Somebody down on their knees
Somebody praying for me

I’ve been spared by so many prayers
How many times I could not say
What a difference a prayer can make
When it’s offered up in faith

God has always made a way
When I didn’t know what to do
Just when I needed a miracle
That’s when your prayers broke through

Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s knocking on Heaven’s door
Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s lifting me up to the Lord
Well I knew it had to be
Somebody down on their knees
Somebody praying for me

Now I know that friend was you
You were the gift God gave me
’Cuz when you prayed His love broke through
It was your prayer that saved me

Thank you for praying for me
Thank you for knocking on Heaven’s door
Thank you for praying for me
Thank you for lifting me up to the Lord
Now I can clearly see
That you were the one on your knees
So thank you for praying for me

Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s knocking on Heaven’s door
Somebody’s praying for me
Somebody’s lifting me up to the Lord
Well I knew it had to be
Somebody down on their knees
Somebody praying for me

Camp Good Grief 5K

This past Sunday, the Center for Good Grief held their annual Camp Good Grief 5K to raise funds for the amazing camp they host in the summer.  This is the camp Brenna was blessed to attend.  When we originally found out about the 5K, I did think we could make it.  But, as luck would have it, we were able to participate.  The weather was perfect for a day outside and we had several friends there to cheer us on!

Before we left.  These girls were ready to run!

About to get started.

We all ran in memory of Jamey.

After the race.  They had sooo much fun!

This was Brenna's first 5K and she did it in 33 minutes and 27 seconds.  I think I may have a runner on my hands!

After the 5K, we all participated in the Family Fun Mile.  Brenna came in 2nd!  So proud!

I have had a few friends asking about donating to the Center for Good Grief.  If you are interested, please contract me at tippafeltman@gmail.com.  This organization has blessed us and many others in so many ways and is solely funded by donations.

Save a Place for Me

I heard a song yesterday while driving home.  It is a song I have heard many times, but my heart really listened this time.  It is called "Save a Place for Me" by Matthew West.  The lyrics really spoke to me.  It is a good description of how I feel as reality continues to sinks in and we find our new normal.  

Specifically, this verse:
I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had You here

I am in a great bible study on Wednesday nights.  I am blessed to share this time with some amazing ladies.  As part of this study, we have to share our testimony.  I started thinking about mine and I am starting to write it out.  I see God's hands in so many things that have happened on my short 38 (almost 39 years).  However, I continue to find myself asking 'why'.  Why did I find happiness for it to all be taken from me so soon?  Why did Brenna lose both parents at such an early age?  Why was I the chosen one to raise her?  (Don't get me wrong, I am the blessed one here!  I love that child.)  Only God knows why.  

Like the verse says, "I guess the answer's are for another time".

I wonder if I will ever stop asking 'why'?  I am forever thankful for my time with Jamey and forever believe God's hands brought us together for me to raise Brenna.  No doubt in my mind.  

But, if I stop and really listen to what God is saying to me, I hear a whisper "Trust me".  

Trust HIM!

I do trust, Lord, I do.

2 Corinthians 12:9:  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect is weakness."

Here are the full lyrics:

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good
To have the weight of this world
Off Your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
When I'm finally there with You

Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had You here

So You just save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there

I wanna live my life just like You did
And make the most of my time just like You did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like You did, oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

Just save a place for me, save a place for me
'Cause I will be there soon

Save a place for me, save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad