10 Months

It's one of those nights where I just need to be alone, in my bed, and just 'be'. I got home from bible study, got Brenna taken care of, and now some 'me' time. I felt lead to blog, so here I am with no idea what to write. I let the Holy Spirit guide my fingers on times like these.

I'm in an amazing bible study (Chronological Bible Discipleship) on Wednesday nights. We've said many times, our coming together was no accident. God knew all of these ladies would need each other.  Honestly, I started this study out of pressure from a couple of friends. Seriously.  Pressure. I needed something to do with myself during the evenings after Jamey went to be with Jesus, so this was a great thing to throw myself into. It was one of the best things I've done in a while. It has become a highlight in my week. I'm digging deeper into the Word more than ever before. Clinging to it with all my might. I'm no scholar.  Far from it. I'm a simple girl learning to love The Lord more and more every day. And learning to trust the Lord more and more every day.  I do not claim to know everything (not by a long shot).  I struggle with reading my Bible just like many of you. I struggle to find books in the Bible and have to use my index quite regularly to find the book I'm looking for.  That's ok!  Just keep reading!  And I just recently got truly comfortable praying out loud. That took me a while.

But, I memorize Scripture and it talks to me. I am hungry for more every week that passes. Learning more about Him, what His plans are for us, and learning to trust Him more and more. 

We read the story tonight about Abraham and his faith. Genesis 22!  Read it....read it now!

My notes....Faith jumped off the pages while reading about Abraham. 

A couple of key things that came out of our study tonight....

God's Will cannot be understood by human reasoning. It has to be revealed and acted upon by faith. 

Read that again and think about it......

Faith. 

Another....

Absolute surrender demonstrates mature faith. 

Faith.

Faith that God has a plan.  Faith that He will keep Him promises. Faith.

Lord, I'm trusting and surrender all. 

Today marks 10 months. 

10 months. 

I cannot believe it. Some days I'm am doing fine (as fine can be in my new normal), then other days I'm a mess. Some days, like today, I think it hurts worse than ever. 

A very sweet friend always reaches out to me on the 5th of each month. She remembers and knows these days are hard. I'm so grateful. I got a card in the mail from her today.  I love this verse...

Thank you, sweet friend!

Will the pain ever go away?  Will it ever stop hurting this bad?  Will I ever stop having flashbacks of the dreadful day?

Faith. 

The word 'faith' is on my heart tonight. God's got this. He knows what the future has in store for us. On days like this I wonder what the future does hold. What does God have in store for a girl who lost the love of her life only after 379 days of marriage and a little girl who has lost both parents before the age of 12. Will beauty come from these ashes (Isaiah 61:3)?

Yes, I know it will. Yes, I know God will take care of us. And yes, I'm impatient.  Ha!  It's my blog and I get to be honest!

God's time.  Not Tippa's time. 

There are days where I struggle with this. Truly struggle to see how any good can come of it. That I will be happy again. That my joy will come back. 

But, I cling to His promises and have faith.  Even when I struggle, I cling to His promises. 

Some days, most days, faith is all I have.