Real Talk

Hi friends.  Gosh, I have been busy since coming home from the beach!  Can I go back?  This momma needs a nap!

Just a few things on my mind lately:

I miss him....more and more every single day.

My blog has had over 17,000 hits.  I am humbled and quite literally speechless.

I still have trouble looking at pictures.  Sometimes I can without crying, then there are days that I just have to pass them by and look the other way.

I came home from the beach with a little bit of peace that I can do this.  I am starting to feel the "peace that surpasses all understanding".  (Philippians 4:7)  I really cannot explain it, but maybe, just maybe, the healing process is beginning.  Maybe, just a little.

I need to clean out his stuff.  I have not been able to do that yet.  They say do it in your own time.  So, we will see.

I still wear my rings.  I cannot bear the thought of taking them off right now.

I dread the upcoming holidays like the plague.  I mean, dread.  Like, literally want to fast forward to January with all my might.  I have to keep things the same for Brenna.  I have to.  I have to.  We have to continue to do the same things we did when we had Jamey with us.  She deserves that and he would want that.

On a brighter note, I got a huge jump start on my Christmas shopping.  Three months from today.  Are you an early shopper?

I had counseling on Monday, bright and early at 8am.  We talked about parenting because I was just too tired to get deep.  One of the things that stuck out to me was when the counselor said Brenna will always remember Jamey and Michelle like they hung the moon.  They did everything perfectly, were the perfect role models, never did anything wrong, and knew more than anyone else in the world.  She will remember that always because that is how she felt when they were taken away from her.  They hung the moon in her mind at the age of 8 when she lost Michelle and the age 11 when she lost Jamey.  I found that interesting when the counselor explained it from Brenna's perspective.  I have not had any issues with my sweet Brenna, but just something that came up in conversation and totally see how her mind would think that.  Now that she is 12, she will see that I am not perfect, did not hang the moon, and make mistakes daily.  Pray for me during the pre-teen and teenage years!  Thank the Lord she is an amazing child!

Brenna is doing well in school and is in the middle of volleyball season.  I love how much she loves playing and the amazing teammates she gets the privilege to call friends.  We have an awesome group of girls at our school.  They love each other so much and are just so sweet.  I pray they will always be this close!

If you knew Jamey well, you know the man had taste.  I mean really, insane good taste.  I loved it!!!  He bought me some really nice things!  He also bought all of Brenna's clothes.  Every single piece.  I would fill in with a few things here and there, but he loved shopping for her, so I let him.  Up until now, I really never had to worry about shopping for her.  He always made sure she was fashionable and dressed appropriately. Well, now, she is outgrowing all of her clothes and I have to shop.  I cannot put it off any longer.  It doesn't sound hard, I am a female and try to stay up on the trends, but I have always shopped for myself, not a 12 year old.  And I really don't like shopping.  Sounds crazy, I know, but here we are.  Brenna is not into clothes (yet) and could wear shorts and a t-shirt every single day if I would let her. But, there are times where shorts are not appropriate, so we have to shop! Just one more thing I need to overcome and get through...and shop!  Retail therapy, I suppose!

The sweet lady that found my message in a bottle is returning the letter to me!  That story still blows my mind.

I started a new bible study a few weeks ago that I really love.  We have to share our testimony in the class. I am a little nervous about it.  We also have Bible verses to memorize.  I love that!

I love that Brenna loves church and wants to go.

I love that it is starting to feel like fall.  Fall makes me miss him more.  And, it's football season.

I love football season!  So, I will leave you with this!  Jamey would be so proud.

Roll Tide, y'all!